No Wonder Soccer Doesn’t Get Respect in This Country

Be honest, how much World Cup soccer have you actually watched? I know the games are at inconvenient times, but still that’s the beauty of DVR. Beyond the poor TV times there are a number of things I am noticing this World Cup that is further strengthening the anti-soccer opinion of so many Americans. Between the soccer fans and the play itself, soccer may not become a part of the “Big Three” anytime soon. 

Stay on Your Feet
Soccer players have been given the title of being sissies, because they don’t hit like football players and they roll around whining like they’d been shot when a stiff breeze hits them. Tell that to Aaron Ramsey. On the other hand, there are players like Cristiano Ronaldo, who has made a name for himself through his good-looks, fancy footwork and amazing goals. Despite those qualities, Ronaldo is also known for folding like a lawn chair when the thought of a tackle enters his mind, which is followed by four exaggerated rolls while yelling and a plea to the ref. Ronaldo is not alone though, as much of the world practices this technique of trying to draw a foul, only giving soccer players a bad name and quite frankly making them look ridiculous. The addition of super slow-mo replay doesn’t do them any favors.

Bringing Crowd Noise to a New Level
The World Cup introduced the Vuvuzela to world. If you have not heard this horn, consider yourself lucky. When the entire crowd is going, it sounds like a swarm of bees on your TV set. They are loud obnoxious and receiving negative reviews from fans and players alike. That being said, crowd noise is part of the game. Live with it. Every sports show at some point this week has hosted a segment specifically discussing the Vuvuzela. It’s now old. Stop talking about it. It’ll be over soon.

Not Enough Goals
This has been a fairly low scoring World Cup with a lot of ties. Tying is like kissing your sister. It’s the type of outcome that doesn’t get the casual American sports fan excited about a sport. We need a winner and a loser, and high scores. That hasn’t happened yet this World Cup and it is deterring fans from watching. This is too bad, as there is so much more to soccer than goals, but this often goes over the head of the sports fan. But this is the world’s game, not ours. The rules aren’t changing.

The American Soccer Fans
There are three types of soccer fan in America. The soccer snob, the World Cup fan and the wannabe hooligan. To be fair, there is probably a fourth. The soccer fan, who enjoys that game, understands the strategy, but doesn’t rub it in your face. The above three though aren’t helping convert non-soccer fans.

First, the soccer snob. This is the person who corrects you when you announce the score “one to zero” and they reply “umm… it’s one, nil.” They remind you that it’s not a field, rather “a pitch.” Oh and soccer players don’t wear jerseys, they are “kits.” This type of fan wants to try to explain the intricacies of the game, over analyze each pass, and gasps for air on every shot, whether on target or 20 feet over the crossbar. This fan turns others off soccer with their annoying comments and constant need to prove their soccer knowledge and vocabulary over those around them.

Second is the World Cup fan. This is the person who watches soccer for one month every four years, but comes into the office draped in the Portuguese flag telling everyone in ear-shot that they are going to watch the game this weekend. Oh and did I mention they are American with Irish heritage, but thinks Ronaldo is cute. The World Cup fan “loves soccer,” filled out a World Cup Bracket and can’t wait for the next game. Come July 12, it’s back to baseball and pre-season football, and the World Cup and soccer are a mere memory.

Third, is the wannabe soccer hooligan. These people piss me off. To be fair “hooligan” may not be the right term, but these people associate themselves with a group of soccer fans in a US city and “bleed their team’s colors.” These aren’t the hooligans of England, who fight before, during and after games with clubs, broken bottles and brass knuckles. Rather, these are the soccer fans who come up with songs during games, wear their team scarf, love the smoke bombs that go off in the crowd and attend every team related event. But when you look a little deeper these are the people who never played a sport in high school, they don’t understand the rules of football and feel like basketball is “too mainstream.” They want to be a part of something else that is different and new. That’s fine, but then this group tries to impose their “soccer knowledge” on others and make outrageous claims and statements in regards to their team. Yep, I’m talking to you Timbers Army. I’m all for your fandom, but get serious. Cursing at the Mayor after revealing the new logo. Swearing throughout the games and attempting to match the same obsessive nature that the fans in Europe have. Sorry, you’re not there. You’ll never be there.

Still Love Soccer
All that being said I still love soccer. If I had to categorize myself, I’m somewhere between the soccer snob and the soccer fan. I’ve learned a lot about soccer from my years and years of playing, watching and learning the game. I have learned from some of the greatest Oregon coaches and played against some of our countries best players. I know what I am talking about. The World Cup is an amazing time. No matter what type of fan you are, watch and love the game. But it’s almost football season and I do love my Ducks.